We all know how wonderful it feels to fall head over heels in love with pole. So you can imagine how awful it feels to fall out of love with it.
Between teaching and taking classes, I was poling all the time. It stopped being something I did and became everything. My job, my routine, my social life. I’d left my 9–5, hadn’t figured out what was next, so I just leaned in and told myself this was the dream.
Except it didn’t feel like one.
I was irritated, kind of aimless, and disconnected from something I still knew I loved. I just couldn’t feel it anymore. New trick trending on IG? Who cares. Compete again? Nah. I registered and then bailed.
So I tried something I’d never done before and truthfully wasn't even sure would work for how I was feeling.
I set goals that had nothing to do with tricks, or comps, or being “better.” Just things that might shake something loose and help me find my way back.
Goal 1: Visit a New Studio Each Month for a Year
When I first started poling, there might have been a handful of studios in the New England area. Now, there are at least two dozen within a 75 mile radius. With a little advanced planning and a manageable frequency, I could visit one studio I'd never been to before each month.
I committed to the goal and focused on the wording: visit a new studio each month. Sometimes, I took wonderfully taught beginner classes...where I didn't learn anything new. But that's okay! My goal wasn't "to learn a new and amazing trick at a new studio each month." It was just to visit.
And visit I did! The furthest I went was to Pole in the Wall and Soul Pole Dance, both located 90 minutes from me in Springfield, MA. Each studio I visited, I was the new kid, and I was nervous! Would people be nice? Would someone share a pole with me if they didn't know me? Everyone was nice, thankfully, but I learned a lot from revisiting that feeling of walking into a studio for the first time.
I mean, we all did it once, right?
But I did it 15 times that year (yep, three months I exceeded my goal). It restored my empathy for new students walking into The|Bar for the first time, which was a delightfully unexpected consequence of my goal.
Goal 2: Take a Class with Every Instructor at the Studio in One Month
If you're a pole student who is loyal to one instructor, I get it. We vibe with some instructors more than others. But each instructor has their favorite jams, so by taking only one instructor's classes, you're going to end up with some idiosyncratic gaps in your training.
I, for example, have no back bend to speak of, so back bendy students who train exclusively with me will never get to explore their full potential! I hope they train with other instructors as well to get the best, most well rounded experience.
One of the things we were encouraged to do back when I was a classroom teacher was observe our colleagues in action. It's a great way to see how others do things, what students are doing in other classes, and inform your own teaching practice.
As an instructor at The|Bar in Bellingham, MA, one of the many great perks is a comped membership. This was a less costly goal compared to my first one, not just in terms of money but also time. And what better way to see what my fellow instructors are teaching and learn from them?
When I told them I'd be taking their classes, some told me they were nervous! There was no reason to be, of course, but I understood; I'd be nervous too if someone who taught me was taking my class. But I reassured them I was there to be a student and take in whatever they were putting out.
And taking class as a student alongside my students was a rad experience too! They saw me struggle with basic things, we cheered each other on, and it was enlightening and humbling in all the ways I needed.
At the end of the month I had taken at least one class with every instructor, which made me feel like a professional educator again.
Goal 3: Use a Different Pole Every Class for Two Weeks
This goal is probably the most triggering for pole dancers! If you have a favorite pole and your hands are sweating at just the thought of using a different pole, this might be a goal to keep in your back pocket for when you're ready.
Choosing a different pole disrupts your patterns and perspectives, sometimes literally! When I took a choreo class and chose a pole that was to the right of the instructor who is right handed, it seemed like I always had my back to the action. Sure, I could use the mirror to follow along, but it was challenging to look over my shoulder and try to learn the moves! A simple change in perspective made me realize what some students might be experiencing in my classes and I brainstormed ways to accommodate that.
Heads up: Choosing a different pole breaks others out of their patterns too. You might be ready to change it up, but others in class might not be! It's not a reason to bail on this goal, just a challenge to be aware of and navigate.
This works for instructors too! If you always teach from the same pole, you could shake it up by teaching from a different one. Or, if you are teach a lot and rarely take class as a student, taking a class and not being on the designated instructor pole can be a shake up too.
Pole is a long-term relationship for me now. And like any long-term relationship, it doesn’t survive on intensity alone. It survives on how you show up over time.
I had been showing up in a way that made me stop feeling connected to it. Changing my goals was me choosing to stay in it.
I still set trick related goals, and I still have plans to perform and create routines, but the energy I have for those goals was renewed by putting them aside and working on different kinds of pole goals for a change.
I started thinking about things I could do that supported my whole self, not just my tricks. It's that kind of whole self energy that went into creating my pole journal. Because yeah, I still want to learn pole tricks and do cool pole things, but I can't do any of that if I don't nurture the other parts of me too.